I am not lostI remember a frozen pint of beer -- at least I think it was beer -- in the street in Reykjavik, a snowball fight with Zenella outside Hallgrímskirkja, the pipes clanking in the mission building, huge basalt cliffs, the birds over the Tjornin, fulmars nesting and asparagus soup. Each of these things the acme of its kind.
I remember a cappuccino as Mrs Zen confirmed that Zenella would come to be, smoking on the patio at Yeronga, a picnic by the river with Zenella propped up between my legs, a hot kiss in Byron, sex at the Shingle Inn, she is so warm and this is where I want to be. Each of these things the acme of its kind.
I remember chaos on the dock in Bissau, the ropes and yells, Justino Delgado rocking the boat, BAGGAGE in Ghana, three men dead in a tree in the rain, our car the lights go out when he brakes, the whores in the courtyard full of joie de vivre, my brain boiling in my head. Each of these things the acme of its kind.
I remember lying quietly with E, her heart beating strong and just for me, kissing in the dark, the weight of her on my hips, her magnificent tits in my hands, the heat we generate, kissing me like a boy kisses, for a moment I am in bloom and I do not want to be anywhere else. Each of these things the acme of its kind.
I remember singing my soul out in a muddy field, we catch each other's eye and we're like YES, and off my head in the long grass, music moving me and we are all singing together. Each of these things the acme of its kind.
I remember Cantona bringing magic to the pitch, we forget we are among the "enemy" and we leap for the sky, I remember our voices are one voice, marching on together, champions, on top of the world. Each of these things the acme of its kind.
I remember holding my son as he slept, safe in my arms, safe forever. I know I can do harm, but I have never meant to, and I know I can feel joy, because I have felt it. I do not have much I want to celebrate in my life, but each thing I celebrate is the best it could ever have been. I have a good heart; it will not be broken forever; I will find my way home to the beach where we ran and laughed, I know I will. I am not lost; I have just forgotten where I am. I will remember; it will be okay.