Our new day

Time drifts by if you let it, slides away until the milestones bring you up sharply. Sometimes I fear it when I think about what I will lose.

Zenella began school yesterday. I can still recall her first steps. Will I always remember? Mrs Zen takes photos and that is how she remembers but I recall things as feelings, how a thing affected me not how it happened. I suppose in time it all merges into one ball of feeling.

I didn't think much of it, yesterday. It's not a surprise like first steps (although of course they are not entirely a surprise). It's expected, the day is known, the child is excited for weeks about it (or upset, depending on the child) and then the day comes and it's not so big a change and doesn't feel so momentous after all. I was a bit worried that she might not have a good day, because she is not outgoing and won't thrust herself forward, but when she came running at the end of the day, smiling, I knew it had been okay.

But she was beautiful in her new school uniform, smiling in the sun. I forget to fear for her, to worry about what a school will do to her lively mind, about finding friends, about bullying, about everything, because all I can think is she is mine, she is mine, she is mine, and she always will be my golden child, beautiful in her new school uniform, smiling in the sun.

posted by Dr Zen @ 2:26 pm