Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Our new day

Time drifts by if you let it, slides away until the milestones bring you up sharply. Sometimes I fear it when I think about what I will lose.

Zenella began school yesterday. I can still recall her first steps. Will I always remember? Mrs Zen takes photos and that is how she remembers but I recall things as feelings, how a thing affected me not how it happened. I suppose in time it all merges into one ball of feeling.

I didn't think much of it, yesterday. It's not a surprise like first steps (although of course they are not entirely a surprise). It's expected, the day is known, the child is excited for weeks about it (or upset, depending on the child) and then the day comes and it's not so big a change and doesn't feel so momentous after all. I was a bit worried that she might not have a good day, because she is not outgoing and won't thrust herself forward, but when she came running at the end of the day, smiling, I knew it had been okay.

But she was beautiful in her new school uniform, smiling in the sun. I forget to fear for her, to worry about what a school will do to her lively mind, about finding friends, about bullying, about everything, because all I can think is she is mine, she is mine, she is mine, and she always will be my golden child, beautiful in her new school uniform, smiling in the sun.


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