Twenty-five six

When I recently lost my job, one of my acquaintances rather unkindly asked why I had failed to keep it. Did I just lack people skills? In fact, I do, but that wasn't the problem. I'll tell you about my second day at work and you'll see that my people skills were not the issue.

So there was a dinner. All the middling important coaches were invited and so was I. This was a horrifying prospect for me: to be in a room with 30 people, none of whom I knew. Still, here I was. But I had been told the wrong time and everyone was already there, except my boss, who would turn up late.

I walked in and took a free seat at the end of one of the tables. No one said anything. I didn't know a single person, including the woman who would be my direct boss. I hadbeen introduced to her but she didn't bother saying hello. She hadn't saved a seat for me so she could talk to me about who was there. She didn't acknowledge me then or at any point in the evening. So number one, disrespect starts at the top and drips downhill. My direct boss, let's call her Mrs Boss, had just shown the entire room that I wasn't someone she had any respect for. My job role must be unimportant and I must be worth very little in the organisation. 

She didn't tell me how the food worked and everyone else was being served. So I had to ask a serving person, which was mortifying. They told me I'd have to go to the bar and order. So I walked back out and ordered, then walked shamefully back past a whole room ignoring me. I wonder whether the people skill I lack is the ability to crack jokes as I walked past them.

So Mr Boss turns up, and he gives a speech in which he managed not to thank any of the coaches. He had a weird little rant about how if any of the parents didn't want to fit in with the club, well, they could just go. Then eventually he sits down and then he notices I am there. 

Oh, everyone, he says, that's Dave. Stand up, Dave. (I stand, and smile.) Dave's our communications guy.

And that's it. He doesn't tell them that I'll be doing a magazine, that they should cooperate, anything. He doesn't give them my number, my email, anything. He never did btw. And I was never given theirs either, except one by one. 

Now, I want to do an aside here. It's about being a journalist on a new beat. Which is what this was like. It's hard. It's not something I've often had to do. But imagine being at a new workplace. You're led around, right? And introduced to everyone and they say hi, you say hi. It says to them, here's someone you should welcome. So it's important when you start a new beat that that happens. That people are introduced by a trustworthy person. If not, you have to do it and everyone you try to do it with thinks you're someone who couldn't be trusted or you're of no account.

One way you can do it yourself is you are given a list of contacts. The outgoing journalist/editor hands you a list of people with their numbers. So even if they don't hand over properly, they at least tell you who you should contact. You don't have to guess or scrape around for names. 

When I worked for the newspaper in Ipswich, the previous editor was really angry with the boss. I would come to understand why but the outcome for me was that he didn't hand me jack shit. I had no contacts and I was in a city I didn't know my way around, doing a job I'd never actually done before.

I think I did okay by the way. I phoned what people I could. I didn't have much time because I had to fill the paper. I told the bosses that I needed support so that I could build contacts but they just lied to me about getting more help. I say they; I mean Mr Boss. Yes, he was involved in the newspaper.

So when I started at the football club, it was the same thing. The right thing to do would have been to take me round the club and introduce me to everyone. I mean, they had all the coaches in the room at this dinner. Mrs Boss could and should have taken me from person to person. Worst case, she could and should have given me a list of contacts. (I did say, oh, I'll need a list of numbers for everyone and she said yes, later.) Instead, I just did it. I got all their numbers. They told me what they did -- which was meaningless to me because no one explained the structure. But no one bothered explaining any deeper than that because they had at least subconsciously filed away that I was not worthy of respect. I chatted with a few of them as best I could.

So I did the right thing, I think. I said hi everyone, I'm David and I'm here to tell your stories. Please feel free to share with me what you want our families to know. I don't bite, hee hee. 

Stony silence. And yes, maybe I should have had a card to hand out with my name and number but I didn't think. I hadn't been told who would be there and I was too nervous about going to think about what I should do. And of course I hadn't realised I would need it. I thought Mrs Boss would give me everyone's number. I thought there would be a list.

A couple of months later, I asked Mrs Boss what is going on for Mother's Day, because she'd told me to do a story about Mother's Day. Oh, it's on our social media, she said. I would like to know what social skill would have got her to bother to write me an email maybe even once a week telling me what was going on because she never did. I was supposed just to find it out. And this woman had once been a sports editor, so she knew very well how it works, and she knew this wasn't it.

I wish the dinner had been an aberrance. But it wasn't. I also went to the club's preseason camp. This time, Mr Boss didn't bother even telling people what I was there for. He didn't introduce me to anyone there (none had been at the dinner). I had to just "get talking" to them. People who know me will realise how painful this was for me. If you don't know me, I'm sure you'd find me personable. I'm nice. I can talk about normal things. But I'm not very good at striking up conversations or approaching people I don't know. So I got talking to the head coach, but I didn't understand what he was because no one had explained the structure. Should I have asked? Yes, but Mrs Boss was "too busy. I'll do it later". Later never came. I get that she really was busy. I understand that she just didn't have time for something she really didn't see as important. At this camp, a dude gave a talk. So my boss, obviously he introduced me to the guy so that I could interview him for the magazine, right? Wrong. He didn't bother. When I interrupted them to introduce myself, he mutttered something about how I was Dave, communications, and I smiled and took the guy's number and email. He ignored three emails and eventually said he would be out of town and he'd get back to me. He never did. He never sent me the PowerPoint he'd presented with. He never bothered. My boss had shown I wasn't worthy of respect.

So why do I think I lost the job? Well, maybe there is an element of the fact that Mrs Boss for whatever reason didn't like me. She never expressed anything. But it's possible. Sometimes there's a competence element with people. They have a skill and they don't like other people having that skill because it calls theirs into a tiny bit of question. I don't know if that was a factor but she was the kind of person who hoarded information. It's why she never gave me a list of numbers, I think. So I'd have to ask over and over and over, and she'd be sour about it, as though I should have just found them out myself. 

You can't find things out yourself. I mean, you can, but it takes time. You can't know them on day one. The guy at the newspaper, he thought I should go door to door and ask people what they wanted to see in my paper. 

It's one of the worst things in this life that I couldn't just say, Dave, you're a fucking idiot. Because he was. And so is Mr Boss. But they're idiots who have some money and in this world, that makes them men who can treat you like shit. And my acquaintance? She thinks you should grovel to these people and worst thing is she's probably right.

But the truth is, Mr Boss wanted people to tell him how clever he was that there was a club magazine and not enough of them did. He never acknowledged it. He never told me he'd read it, liked it or even knew of it. I sent him match reports every week. He never even acknowledged receipt. I lost my job because this guy, a three-pound testicle in a one-pound sack, a joke of a man with no knowledge of football and no love of the game, but whose son was quite good at it, has no respect for anything or anyone that doesn't make him feel like a big man. I don't know what people skills can help you with that.

posted by Dr Zen @ 2:05 pm