Thursday, April 09, 2020

In the nets

Crying is not just tears you can be crying a long time and you can't even shed a tear.
For a long time I just cried and maybe you would have known if you'd cared but no one really did so no one knew I was crying and then one afternoon I

well that doesn't matter.

So part of me is crying out and part of me is as ever all fuck you because I don't want to let someone else win but you know what you do that long enough you forget that you lose just because you're fighting

which is no good.

But it's not a choice between do this and win do this and lose it's lose and lose and either way you end up crying and I don't understand because I can only play at being tough I can't really

but, they say, you look angry. And I'm like, I am just so sad that you can't even see me for it and that seems like anger because it's like I'm in the nets and

that's not right.

Sometimes you are crying for so long you forget how to smile and why did she want that why would anyone want that what amount of hurt can be in a person twisted like barbed wire around the place your heart should be how could anyone want that don't you want your pain to end

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