Grow up!
Only the young urge growing up; the old would rather be young again.On the interwebnets, it's a good indication that one is talking to a teen if they yell at you that you are immature. (Either a teen or someone whose growth ended at 15, let's say.) No one who actually has matured thinks it any big thing, unless they are a Hindu. It's as though someone had crushed you under a rock and you were to boast of your flatness.
Getting older is horrible and becoming grown up is worse. It entails responsibility, which is another way of saying "shit you don't want to deal with". I was talking with someone the other day who has two sons, young men, who are idle. They won't clean up the house, she said, and that's against teh roolz. I had a little pang of nostalgia. How wonderful it was to be a bone-idle youth and how horrid to be forced into being the mini-Hitler who is blathering about teh roolz. But you have to, don't you, if you don't want to live in squalor. Or at least someone has to. And when you're grown up, that someone is you.
Worse, becoming grown up means you have to deal with other people's shit. Yeah, when you're a teen you have to listen to your olds whining on. But you don't have to deal with their problems. They might whine about money but you don't have to find them any. They might complain about their boss at work, but he's not your problem.
Get married though and suddenly you take on a whole other person's burdens. You personally become responsible for just about everything that goes wrong in their life. And try having kids! They say rights come with responsibilities, but the opposite is not true. With kids you have to shoulder their every burden and you have the right to, erm, pay for it. And that's it. Try exercising parental power if you want to understand the true meaning of the words "hollow mocking laughter".
Still, you get to have sex, right? But not the strings-free fucking of youth (or that we imagine youth having, which given our own youths we'd have to consider a bit unlikely). No, we have an interpersonal minefield in which the promise of sex can be shattered by the slightest misstep. The idea that oral sex is a reward for good behaviour is not my idea of a good one, yet it seems to have a firm hold in the conceptual framework of every woman I've ever had sex with. (Oral sex for men that is; for women it is their birthright, a bit like the freedom to speak in tongues.)
Many people on the interwebnets urge that we should all be accountable, respectable, mature in every way. Are they kidding?! I have to do all that in meatspace and it suxxorz. Ask me to grow up in the cyberworld and there's only one answer: "Shan't!" and you can imagine that my tongue is poking out.
posted by Dr Zen @ 12:43 pm
16 Comments:
Right on! Why do some think we are obligated to be polite, mature, and turn the other cheek here? I don't get that. In any case, it's usually the biggest fuckheads who are moaning about people being mean. Nice people are just, well, nice and go on doing what they do without whining.
You know, I never swear at work. Not ever. It cracks me up that some idiots think I simply must be the same there as here.
The most annoying thing is the instant personal judgment based on a one-sentence responce to some subject. Just say that you didn't like some movie, and they immediately say, "Well, you haven't seen many movies". Mention that manners would be well, nice, and someone says, "It's the biggest fuckheads who moan about being mean". Is it that all those poor cowardly, mousy bitches who "don't curse in real life" cream their shorts typing f-u-c-k, because they feel they are saying it, but it won't get them slapped? Or am I judging too quickly?
It's more that manners just aren't appropriate. It's a playground, not a workplace. There are always those who want to chill others' fun, but do we have to give them what they want?
SHAN'T!
Aw, I don't know. It is a greater pain in the arse being an "adult," but the rewards are greater too.
My brother and I had a horrid relationship when we were children. The competition and conflict were horrendously disruptive to our home. We sometimes drove my mother to tears. But when we grew up, we grew out of that awful petulance and learned to love and respect each other. He's now one of the few people I can just call up anytime and be myself and talk about the things that pain me or the things I've screwed up without being judged or condemned or anything other than just accepted.
I would much rather have kids and all the pains and burdens they represent than be a kid again with all the uncertainty and nonsense that went with being a kid.
I enjoy being an adult, for the most part, pains and all.
Not that I don't find a way to cut loose now and then.
But I've at least become "mature" enough to know many of my limitations :-)
A linkless anonywuss is yapping about being cowardly. Wotever next - my cat calls me lazy? Bwah!
I would much rather have kids and all the pains and burdens they represent than be a kid again with all the uncertainty and nonsense that went with being a kid.
Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Pick a year, any year....1965. Great year. Much rather be a kid. 1989. Horrid, dreadful year. Much rather be a kid. 1969. Gawd, I hate Texas. Please, please let me grow up soon. 1982. First child is born. I'm scared, I'm tired, I look dreadful, but there's no other age, no other time to be.
"Ask me to grow up in the cyberworld and there's only one answer: "Shan't!" and you can imagine that my tongue is poking out."
Right, young man, you're not going anywhere until you've tidied your chatroom.
A linkless anonywuss is yapping about being cowardly
Just because I don't have a web-site doesn't make me a wuss. But you can call me that online with no consequence, which is why manners are impossible to expect. Moreover, they are as Dr Zen says inappropriate, because the idea is to let loose and speak your mind. The instant personal judgment is annoying though - why, if it wasn't, Paula wouldn't have found it necessary to respond to. But for fear of being banned from this blog for turning it into a chatroom, I won't say anything else on the subject, except that perhaps as I participate in more online discussions (I'm somewhat new to this) I will get used to them and won't get annoyed.
Actually, knowing Paula, her comment probably had a bit more substance. We both know plenty of people who moan about manners but are the worst sort of arsehole. Point taken though: it can be annoying to be summed up after one post. I like to think I don't make the mistake of condemning people without giving them plenty of rope. You'll have to fuck up a lot more than you have before your hanging.
And feel free to comment as you like. I won't ban you. I don't think I can actually, unless I moderate the comments, and I don't plan to. And I *like* having readers! I'm not about to chase them away.
I agree about the cyberwhining but also agree with Looney. There's a flip side to all the burdens of adulthood and responsibility. I get a sense of satisfaction from being responsible, probably because it makes me feel in control, whereas as a child I was so horribly powerless. As for marriage and taking "on a whole other person's burdens," ideally they take on yours too, you either share them or divide them based on what each of you is good at, and in the end the total burden is less than the sum of its parts.
Being an adult for me is less about having more responsibilities and more about being able to live my life on (nearly) my own terms. I mean this in a sense a bit more fundamental than having to clean up one's room: say, rather, having greater freedom in ensuring that one is safe, that one has food and a home, and that other basic physical and psychological needs are met. Interestingly enough, it leads me to a bit of a contrary conclusion: that being mature *means* being able to tell someone to fuck off, not that I should listen to them, as many would suppose.
"Worse, becoming grown up means you have to deal with other people's shit. Yeah, when you're a teen you have to listen to your olds whining on. But you don't have to deal with their problems."
Depends, of course, on their problems. They oh-so-easily can become yours if you are dependent on them.
All this talk about blog manners and such has gotten so boring. It just doesn't seem that complicated to me. Act however you want, wherever you want, and accept the rewards and consequences. But quit whining about it. I have three kids. I'm obliged to hear their whining. But hearing adults whine (or reading them whine) is really, really annoying. And boring.
Geez, Jeff, quit whining about it already.
Yer mom just whined, Jeff. ;)
Why is everyone being so mean to me?!
boots sez:
Kidhood and adulthood both have their stages. Having children can suck hugely at times, but overall, comparing my life with that of my sister who never had kids, maybe it's not so bad.
Sure, the minute you have your first child you become a slave for 20 years at best. You must be responsible, whether you are or not. The bills must be paid, discipline must (somefuckinghow) be more or less maintained, skills or at least attitudes must be passed on, the list seems endless. It's stressful as hell, either because you're trying to make all the money while spouse deals with homeness, or because you and spouse are both trying to make ends meet and nobody is dealing with kidness until they come home bone tired and raggedyassed and irritable.
But my god, when your youngest finally flies the coop, and you and spouse (assuming you've both survived the ordeal) are alone to actually have a life together, knowing what you know after the years of shared everything, it's like the first day of summer vacation ten times, a hundred times over.
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