Monday, November 27, 2006

Magnet

I am a magnet for self-absorbed, vulnerable people. Who presumably see me as a kindred soul. And then get to know me and astonish themselves that I don't become equally as absorbed in them. They think my blog is for them and complain when it is about things they are not interested in (but it's for me, always has been and always will be); they think I should pretend to care about the shit they care about when the virtue that attracted them in the first place was lack of pretence; they think I should be able to discern their mood just because in their view they have written to me with more anguish than usual, or worse, they berate me for being self-absorbed and vulnerable when they want me to be something else. And they forget, when they are telling me what a shit I am for not caring about whatever it is they think I should care about, the times I have borne their whining, the hours I have spent talking to them when I didn't want to, when I was busy or preoccupied, how kind I have been to them when they needed someone to be kind, and worst of all, they forget that, self-absorbed as it might be, I have my own thoughts about how things should be, how life is.

They are, of course, all women. Men know that other men don't change just because we wish they would. Men do not waste time trying to reform one another. We know there's rarely any point. It's why we invented wars to fix our problems with each other. Personally, I don't like conflict but I like protracted emotional drama even less. If I didn't care about it yesterday, I probably still won't today, and the more worn out I feel by it, the less likely I am ever to feel differently. Because, you know, we don't change. Only your feelings towards us do. And they're your problem.

2 Comments:

At 6:42 am, Blogger AJ said...

They think my blog is for them and complain when it is about things they are not interested in...

Surely you jest?! How can they not be completely enthralled with poker, politics, uncommon music, and sports?

Well, if you must allow drama queens in your life, what can you expect? ;-)

What you mean is that its OK if they stroke your Ego and ask nothing in return...

One cannot help but ask, did he ask for one's strokes in the first place? If one is honest with oneself, one might discover that one's own Ego has been living in a fantasy world. That's something all too easy to do in the world of the internet.

 
At 8:42 am, Blogger Dr Zen said...

Actually, anonymous, you'll need to have another read because as I noted, I give plenty. That's swiftly forgotten though when it comes to the crunch.

Anyone who reads my blog can see exactly what sort of person I am and why I might befriend someone. I suspect, anonymous, that you are looking at me through the lens of who you are. I should blog about that, hey?

 

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