Monday, August 31, 2009

Smokey was right

Today I felt beautiful, just for a moment. I stepped outside myself and looked in and I thought that I could see good. It didn't last. If I am good, how come I am being punished?
I felt good, like I had honey to roll around in my mouth. 
Smokey was right. That's all I'll say about that.
The monkey is laughing laughing laughing. He says, you are a fool and this is your reward for it. You are a fool to think you can be loved. You deserve the desert and here it is. Enjoy!
You know, if I could wish just one thing, I would wish to have never believed I was golden at all, so that my life would not be one long process of finding out how wrong I was.
And please, please, spare me from your belief, your shaky, hollow belief that I am. Because the monkey knows and he laughs at you too. He is crueller than you are kind and he knows much more than you let yourself know. Or me either.