Material thingsI am going to set myself some goals, which are basically things I want. I intend to get them too. I realise I should have aimed at this when I was 22, not *mumblety-mumble*, but fuck it, anyway.
They are, in order of difficulty:
1/ A cottage by the sea with a pear tree in the back yard.
2/ A published book.
3/ A laptop suitable for making music with and top of the range software to do it with.
I want the first because I have always lived in horrible places and I want to live somewhere I can make nice. I am a restless soul, never satisfied, but I want to be satisfied.
I want the second because I will always feel I wasted my life if I don't "achieve" something. I do not care that that is philosophically unjustifiable. It's how I feel. Since when did feeling have a damned thing to do with philosophy.
I want the third because I love making music and I've never had the equipment to do it properly.
The first will cost about half a mill.
The second will cost a lot of effort.
The third will cost, hmmm, dunno, 3K quid maybe? We're talking a top-end lappy with a top-end soundcard, equipment for recording music and so on. I don't even know what I'd need exactly (suggestions welcome--and thanks, but "a good hard kick in the teeth" might be something you think I need, but it won't make for a slammin' track, will it?).
Yeah, I know, one's goals should be "create a socialist utopia" or "help create world peace" and not material things, but I want happiness as much as fulfilment. Not that I believe that happiness is an outcome of gaining material goods (the opposite is probably truer) but I want the life I want, and don't see why I have to apologise for it, or dissect that wanting to the degree that I become hateful to myself.
And yah, I know that prozac would probably work faster.