Monday, September 22, 2008

99%

99% of what ails me would be cured by more sex. That and marijuana would do the job. The other 1% is consternation at being mortal. I haven't found a solution for that yet.

I was thinking, what will I tell Zenella when she asks about sex? I don't mean, about the biology thing. That's not sex any more than eating is a description of your alimentary system.

For some, it's the be-all and end-all, the point. For others, it's intimately tied into emotion, which is weird because emotion largely doesn't exist (much of it is readily explained as body states and post hoc rationalisations of how events were for us), for others it's purely something to do, like reading a book or watching TV. (And of course, it's something to do at least at some points for all of us.) Some fear it, because it undermines their view of themselves; others are confused by it. Some crave it, and that seems worse to me than fearing it. (I wonder why that is? Perhaps my socialisation has led me truly to consider cowardice less of a sin than neediness? I don't know. I like to fulfil needs, don't I? How can you love the need and hate the needy?)

Our world has made an icon of it, because we are now free to express what we wish, and what we have to say is "SEX", because it is fundamental to us. It's what we live for, work for, what drives us, what inspires us, one way or the other. Much of the rest of our lives is a shadowy backdrop to what we really care about, or fills in the space in our lives where there is no sex. If we all did more of it--well, have you ever seen an unhappy bonobo?

Mohammed Atta wrote in his will that women should not touch his genitals when he was made ready for his funeral. This is what he was concerned about in his final hours. That's how powerful it is, that a man can fear it, or hate it, or want it, whichever, so much.

And it's incredible, isn't it though, that the "free world" is all about money and sex? That, freed from the bonds of want, we can scarcely see past them, that we do not want to elevate ourselves for any other purpose. (Elevate ourselves! You just can't kill the Romantic in you once it has been animated.) We aspire to be wealthy and have sex. A bit like dogs. Except they measure wealth differently.

Erm, maybe ask your mother?

11 Comments:

At 11:08 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

boots sez:

"Mohammed Atta wrote in his will that women should not touch his genitals when he was made ready for his funeral."

Maybe he wanted to stay dead.

 
At 11:27 pm, Blogger Arleen said...

I was thinking, what will I tell Zenella when she asks about sex?

If your relationship is such that you're expecting her to ask you first, you better not tell her to ask her mother. She needs to hear what her father has to say, though I only say that because I'm quite sure she has a father who will have something worth saying even if you do have doubts at the moment.

 
At 2:43 am, Blogger Mcleod said...

You Said...........

I was thinking, what will I tell Zenella when she asks about sex? I don't mean, about the biology thing. That's not sex any more than eating is a description of your alimentary system.

Thats utter shit Sex is Biology thats what her question will be about! The Mechanics. And you should wait for her to ask it should just be something that gets talked about.

For some, it's the be-all and end-all, the point. For others, it's intimately tied into emotion, which is weird because emotion largely doesn't exist (much of it is readily explained as body states and post hoc rationalisations of how events were for us), for others it's purely something to do, like reading a book or watching TV. (And of course, it's something to do at least at some points for all of us.) Some fear it, because it undermines their view of themselves; others are confused by it. Some crave it, and that seems worse to me than fearing it. (I wonder why that is? Perhaps my socialisation has led me truly to consider cowardice less of a sin than neediness? I don't know. I like to fulfil needs, don't I? How can you love the need and hate the needy?)

Utter fucking bollocks and shit you are not a complete person, something went seriously wrong when you were growing up and your neural pathways simply failed to develop along normal lines. I pity you you are emotionally baron. Or may be you did have it and it died. Either way you are pitiful.

With out emotion sex with another person is a poor substitute for wanking. And seen as you don't think emotion actually exist why don't you just wank more often after all you love yourself more than any ting else. I hope you and your palm are very happy together.

 
At 5:41 pm, Blogger P. said...

The other 1% is consternation at being mortal. I haven't found a solution for that yet.

Google group archives. It's the archaeological dig of the future.

"So what are your scientific conclusions, Doctor Smith"

"Well, they were all complete cunts, sir".

 
At 8:51 pm, Anonymous iam1vote.com said...

I have one vote and I vote for SEXXX!

Oh, and food.

And, um, sleep.

And... ocean swims.

And deep starry nights.

And sublime rock concerts.

And... flying a kite...

And hilarious movies.

And adventurous hikes.

And "building a tree house in our yard, you could help it wouldn't be that hard, and Craft Macaroni and Cheese... we'd take a limo because it costs more..."

 
At 8:39 pm, Blogger P. said...

Craft Macaroni and Cheese

gag

 
At 7:40 am, Anonymous iam1vote.com said...

It's a barenaked ladies song, not an endorsement for Kraft M & C.

To my total bewilderment, my sister always loved that shit. She still does, apparently.

Me? I prefered to eat Cheesewhiz by the scoopful.

No, but seriously, it was great on bologna sandwiches (with ketchup).

 
At 9:30 pm, Blogger P. said...

Oooh. Now I'm with ya. I thought mixing the C and the K up was odd.

I am so surrounded by overrated cheeses that I find it difficult to concentrate. Do you get cheddar out your way?

Mmm. Cheddar.

 
At 6:33 am, Anonymous iam1vote.com said...

JC: How about cheddar?

MP: Not much call for it 'round here, sir.

JC: Not much cal... It's the single most popular _cheese_ in the world!

MP: Not 'round here, sir.

JC: And what IS the most popular cheese "round' here"?

MP: Ilchester, sir.

JC: Eeez it?

MP: Oh yes, sir. It's staggeringly popular.

JC: Eeez it?

MP: It's our number one best seller, sir.

JC: I see. Have you got any? he-asked-expecting-the-answer-no...

MP: Just a moment. I'll take a look, sir.

...

MP: mmmmmm....nnnnnn... No!

JC: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

MP: Finest in the district, sir.

JC: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.

MP: Well, you haven't asked me about the Linberger, sir.

JC: Is it worth it?

MP: Could be.

JC: Have you... got... any... Linberger?

MP: No, sir. I haven't.

JC: You don't. Nevermind, my assking the question in the first place was an act of purest optimism.

JC: Have you, in fact, got any cheese here at all?

MP: No, sir.

JC: You haven't.

MP: No, sir, I was deliberatley wasting your time.

JC: I see.

JC: Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

MP: righto, sir.

[....POW!!!!....]

JC: What a senseless waste of human life.

 
At 8:20 am, Blogger P. said...

Cheese rage. Not good.

 
At 12:54 pm, Anonymous PollThis.org said...

That wasn't cheese rage.

That was Monty Python.

Matching Tie and Hankercheif.

It was the first three-sided album in the history of mankind (I think).

And you didn't know it had three sides until you played side 2 again (BTW: both sides were labeled "side 2") and it started playing something different than the last time the needle landed on the vinyl.

What a hilarious prank.

 

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