downswing
so anyway, there is nothing worse than the end of feeling good.last week, i was feeling good, running well at poker, unbeatable. but now i've realised i was just lucky, and i'm going to be stuck here for good. i will never get out of it.
i have more or less normalised my marriage, except that we sleep in different rooms, but normal for our marriage is fucking horrible. so that's nice. i've brought it back from the brink to the other side of unbearable. i should throw a party.
it's only a hundred dollars. i can tell myself that but it's not the money. i could lose all the money i'd ever won and that wouldn't mean anything. it's trying and failing. it just confirms what i know about myself. the weird thing is that i knew i had to have a bad run, but i was secretly hoping that i wouldn't, that i would be good enough to keep winning, that the downturn would be slow and would settle out. it doesn't matter that the other players are worse, lose more, whatever. no one else's misfortune makes me feel better about my own, and i don't see why it should.
anyway, enough of it. i'm sick of this. i'll be back when i have something interesting to say.
posted by Dr Zen @ 3:57 pm
1 Comments:
boots sez:
"...there is nothing worse than the end of feeling good"
The thing about the end of feeling good is that there's an unreason for it, something that can be learnt from, that allows in the possibility of hope.
When the waves of life line up, and the troughs match up to make a megatrough, it sucks. There are times though when your guts tell you that it can't get worse. And nothing stays the same. Which leaves a decent alternative.
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