Wednesday 8:48am
I'm listening to Of MontrealEva, I'm sorry
but you will never have me
to me you're just some faggy girl
and I need a lover with soul power
and you ain't got no soul power
which seems apt somehow, but don't ask me to explain.
So I'm driving in the backstreets of Mansfield, and it's all quiet and empty, bar one woman, walking with a carrier bag, maybe on her way to work. She is slumped and unhappy, and I am thinking that it's sad to start your day like that, realising -- I know it's not a tremendous revelation, so no letters to the editor, please -- that she might -- must? -- start every day like this.
I am watching a girl in a denim skirt, moving with a sway that's out of place in the grey backstreets of Mansfield. Her legs are bare: it's autumn but it would still pass as the northern summer. I am thinking about Mrs Zen's cousin's wife. I picture her bare stomach, my come in hot jets over her. But I am stuck on thinking, does she trim her pubes or leave them to grow? I am thinking leave them, because she has something wild about her (it's her attraction, and the mystery in why she chose S, a man without flavour). Then I am thinking shave them, because she is neat, the wildness just something I see (and there is no mystery: she was a lonely woman who found a friend). One of these days, maybe, when she calls for Mrs Z and she's not home, I'll say, come spend an hour with me. I wonder what she would say.
No, I am not dreaming of love today. I figure if I stop, perhaps it will start dreaming of me. Think about it. It'll make sense if you find yourself on a lonely street on an autumn morning and cars are passing by.
posted by Dr Zen @ 8:56 am
3 Comments:
Oh yes, I forgot. That means I'm in a cage for the rest of my life. Silly me.
Not for the rest of your life. There is a relatively simple way out of the cage. You can get a divorce, move out of Australia, and go screw (or at least attempt to) whomsoever you like.
Now did I just solve all your life's problems or what?
No, I understand that your situation is complicated. They always are. It's just that someone very close to me had recently celebrated her 20th anniversary with someone she loves dearly. That whole time he's been married to someone else, someone he by now despises. She had stopped asking why a long time ago. She doesn't regret her choice to stay with him, and I respect her, but because of all this I can't help but feel somewhat uneasy towards men who are... what's the word... I guess, indecisive.
I guess all I can say now is that you do have a choice, which is encouraging as much as it is disheartening.
Suffice it to say, I don't see it in black and white, and I don't believe that people cannot be flexible in how they think about sex and sexual fidelity.
I know, that kind of thinking suits those who want the flexibility and not those who don't. But I'm hardly likely to be willing to be bound by someone else's rules just because they have them, am I?
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