Optionless
Where does a person like me get money from? I don't mean money to borrow. I mean money to have.I need so much money to go home; it's a millstone. Mrs Zen made a spreadsheet. Her figures are insane. Three months of this, three months of that, three months of the other. I'm, like, fuck that, I'll have to be working. Because I can't go anywhere anyway if I'm not fully employed. I have just not to think about how hard it will be to have that much work, because if I'm negative about it, I start realising that I'm stuck here for good. But even by my reckoning, it's a lot of money. Realistically, 20K Australian. Less if I want to hope for the best, but not much less. Where does a person like me get that kind of money from?
Well, hang on. I know what you're thinking. The house I live in. It's worth 450K. When the FIL kicks it, the three daughters take a third share. It's already in their name for tax reasons. It will stand vacant when we leave. There isn't anyone in the family who wants to live in it. So...
But you see, that would mean giving us what we want, not what he wants to give. He wants to die and leave a legacy, not actually to give his kids a better life. My dad's the same. He could reverse mortgage his house, give my mum a decent retirement and me the money to go home. But would he? No fucking way. We get it when he dies. I'll probably be dead first, having drunk myself to death, brokenhearted in this shithole. Not that the FIL is going to get the option. Mrs Z can't even ask her sisters for a loan for a month. We are potless at the moment. It's a cashflow thing, although of course I don't have, never have, any spare money. I did have some savings but I spent them because December was thin. But I had a gap between needing money and getting it. Would she ask her sisters, both of whom have enough not to miss a grand (and that's all it was)? No, she wouldn't.
Ultimately, I think I will have to take out a loan. I wonder how much I can get my bank to give me, and how I will manage to pay it back when I'll be underemployed and overcommitted. But what else can I do? Mrs Z wants to work 2 days a week. She wouldn't even earn 20K in a year, let alone save it. I can't get enough work to do "overtime". If I could, I would. And I'm not goodlooking enough to become a rich lady's plaything. More's the pity...
posted by Dr Zen @ 4:34 pm
46 Comments:
start a business
LOL! Bless you, Zero. Now give the man some tips on how to sell himself. He would like to be a manuscript doctor.
I have a business.
you have a business but you don't have enough money to travel?
improve your marketing or start an additional business.
you're smart enough to know which.
How should I market, oh maestro? Who to? How do I reach them?
how do you reach people who need a manuscript doctor?
is that the question?
yikes.
...
do i get a commission?
I will pay 10 per cent to anyone who brings me a client of any type.
And the question is how do I reach any of the people who need any of the things I have to offer, bearing in mind that I do not have thousands of dollars for a marketing campaign.
well, if i had any money to advertise your services, we'd both be traveling in style within a couple weeks.
anyway, since i don't, here's a big clue (free of charge):
Ultimately, I think I will have to take out a loan. I wonder how much I can get my bank to give me, and how I will manage to pay it back when I'll be underemployed and overcommitted.
You're a man of genius, Zero. Your best tip on how to find new clients is "get more money". Thanks.
marketing campaign? it certainly wouldn't take thousands of dollars to implement an effective strategy.
especially not when one considers how large the market is.
yikes.
Is it large? It might be. It's not very visible though. And the less visible a market is, the harder it will tend to be to reach.
my investors always wanted to spend MORE on marketing, silly chumps.
getting the customers is the easy part.
i had over 100 calls a day coming in.
not very visible? what?
here's another free tip:
write an ad
I just wrote a long comment that Blogger promptly ate. I explained what "not visible" means. I'm too worn out to write it again. Maybe i'll blog it.
Yeah, write an ad. Put it where?
Market? To whom? How?
You are excellent at the screamingly obvious, useless at the actually helpful.
well, there's two ads you should be writing.
1] an ad to your prospective clients
2] an ad to your banker explaining the loan
instead of blogging about "not visible", write an ad to your prospective clinets. let's see what exactly you have to offer to those who need your services.
get it?
this may all seem obvious, but if you haven't done it yet, you don't know what you're missing. seriously.
1/Yes, I get it. But where am I placing this ad? What medium am I writing it for? Different media require different ads. I am writing a website. That's a type of ad. But it's different from a classified ad in the local paper, which I'm also going to place.
2/ I am not going to borrow money to spend on my business. That would be a seriously bad idea.
well, there's two ads you should be writing.
"there are"
irony?
anyway, the exercise of writing your ad(s) could not possibly be more important to your marketing effort.
20K AUS=£7852.87 Peanuts! Get your dad to take out a loan for you. Northern Rock £8K 6.1% fixed 60 months £154.62 a month. Get back here rejoin the rat race for a few years. You wouldnt notice £155 a month.
write ads for each medium.
you're an excellent writer, FFS.
granted, ad writing is a bit different, but the starting point is the same. expression.
If I could spare that kind of money, I'd take a loan tomorrow. 155 a month is about 350 or so bucks. I could borrow 20K over seven years and have enough left for champagne to celebrate returning for the whole of that time.
as far as borrowing money to increase your business being a bad idea? yikes.
fuck no.
just take it one ad at a time, and you'll see.
in the meantime, read a few books on advertising copy.
I wrote a dissertation on advertising copy. I don't have a problem with writing ads.
Borrowing money would be stupid. I don't need capital goods. I need work.
The idea is you get the loan in the UK come back get a decent Job and pay it off then. Look to the future, what you could earn here not what you are earning now.
Yes, because they hand out decent jobs at immigration.
borrowing money to market your services would not be a bad idea in any way. loans certainly don't need to be for "things".
of course, i'm assuming that your clients are reasonably happy with what you provide them -- that seems like a safe bet from what i've known of you over the years.
so anyway, why not write an ad for your services in a blog post?
let's go from there.
finding your clients from that point should be a cinch.
Negative, defeatist thinking will get you exactly what you have got now, misery. Youre a smart guy you could turn your hand to many different thing. Teahing? or have i over estimated your abilitys?
Yes, I could turn my hand to many things. That's the fucking problem. Which things should I turn it to, and how should I go about doing it? I don't want to be a teacher though. And you can't just turn up in the UK and be one.
So its not the money thats the issue its the lack of a job when you get back?
If you were that desperate you'd apply for a load of credit cards Max them out and fuck off back here. And worry about paying them back at a later date. At the end of the Day £8000 to an educated professional is not a lot of money. True unless you have a teaching qualification you can't just turn up and teach, but it is atleast an idea maybe you could do a recognised teaching course/qualification there and come back in a year or so. Teaching pays decent money these days and it need be only temporey till you get on your feet. Its a plan at least you would be on a path. Instead of whining about your dad or wifes father not bailing you out.
No, it's the money. 8000 quid is actually a lot of money if you don't have it. I am not whining about my dad's not bailing me out. I am whining that he will give me the money but I have to wait until he dies for it. Which is stupid. When he dies, I will probably be too comfortably off for the money from his house to make any difference. In any case, had you read without blinkers, you'd have seen that my main complaint is that he could use the money to improve his and my mother's retirement. My FIL doesn't want to improve his retirement. It's his stated aim that he wants to give the fruits of his life's work to his children. So, I say, give it. Don't make them wait until they are themselves retired and don't need it.
Like I say, you cannot have a family. If you did, you wouldn't say that 40 quid is nothing. And it's 40 quid a week for four years, dude. That's an extra 40 quid I need to find on top of all the other quids I have to find to feed, clothe and all the rest my family. I'm not anywhere as negative about it as you are unthinking.
£40 thats 2, 4 hour shifts at £5 an hour behind the bar at your local pub. youve got 3 Kids thats about £180 a month child allowance. Get it in to perspective.
What sort of income do you expect to have when you get back?
LOL. Maybe I should send the kids to the pub to work and kill two birds with one stone. I don't know what income I will have when I go back. I'm not sure what I'll be doing for a living.
i wouldn't place an ad in your local papers, unless what you do requires your clients to be local?
if so, i'd recalibrate what you have to offer so that you could supply it over the internet or thru the mails.
then do some research on where you're likely to find your clients.
ask yourself a shitload of questions in that regard.
for instance: where do others find the same kind of clients?
Market? To whom? How?
i'm guessing that you could market to aspiring writers. there's certainly no shortage of THEM.
and definitely do classified ads, not display ads.
short and sweet. and much cheaper.
get right to the point and don't be shy:
what can you do for them that they would be willing to pay you for.
and don't undercharge for your services.
create an effective webpage.
reserve a dedicated domain name to market your services.
accept credit cards.
place a few classified test ads in a few magazines that your clients are likely to read. it's very cost effective.
you'll be delegating work in no time.
I thought that some of your work was portable.
Start looking for a job now then get an idea.
Do you honestly think £40 a week would be a struggle?
Its a meal for two at my local Balti house.
I have a wife who works and a 16 yr old daughter. I work some times because I'm lucky.
"market to aspiring writers"
Yeah thats the type of writer that dosent have a pot to piss in!
among "aspiring writers" are lotsa people with huge amounts of disposable income.
and they would get a proper education from the good doctor.
have you given any thought to becoming a script doctor instead?
movie scripts, i mean.
cha' ching!
I don't know anything about movie scripts. I know it's a bit oldfashioned, but I'd like to use the skills I have instead of ones that I have to pretend to have.
you could learn.
you're a fast learner.
and it's certainly on the same planet, so none of your current knowledge would go to waste.
anyway, the main thing is, ADVERTISE.
set up a myspace.com account, even.
and NETWORK.
promote your services.
promote yourself.
don't be shy.
...
you can do it.
seriously.
you just have to start testing out various promotions.
express what you have to offer.
brainstorm all the different ways that you can sell your skills.
write a single ad.
place it intelligently.
then write more ads.
place them intelligently.
it works.
brainstorm all the different ways that you can sell your skills.
by that i mean create all manner of packages to sell, at varying pricepoints.
like:
The Paragraph Package
(blah blah blah, $29)
The Chapter Package
(blah blah blah, $600)
The Book Package
(blah blah blah, $5,000)
The Blog Review Package
(blah blah blah, $75/hr)
whatever.
£8000 for 2 hours
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk:80/story_pages/news/news1.shtml
The Homework for Spoiled Rich Kids Package
(blah blah blah, $500)
MC, Visa, Amex, paypal,
due tomorrow expedition (add $100)
Hey, dude: I think with your ability, you could figure out scripts fairly quickly. There's more focus on dialogue and probably more on structure than you will find in prose fiction.
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