Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Around the web in 800 very boring words

If I see one more motherfucker with a Days sober counter on their smugarse site, I'm putting up a Days drunk one. Don't even get me started on fools who boast about giving up fags.


I am jealous of Tom. He has managed to be interesting on the subject of fountain pens.

I love fountain pens but enforced use at grammar school has put me off the notion of ever splashing the ink across a page again. Besides, I grip pens in my fist, without elegance, and find myself scratching more than writing.

Tom is not, though, despite his great post (illustrated too), in my good books. Why? Because I am very selfish. I don't mind not bothering to reply to emails for months on end but if someone leaves me hanging for even a couple of days, I sulk.

Actually, it's not Tom I am sulking with. It's S. I was having a lovely correspondence with S and she dumped me. I can't think of any other word for it. We are chatting away (I use chatting in a broad sense because I was not using one of those messenger things -- no way! I'd never edit another word if I found someone to talk to) and bang! without a by your leave, she's gone.

I realise that on the interwebnet the etiquette is not established. Can I email her? What would I say? Why did you dump me? Did I do something to hurt you?

No! What is best is to whine on my blog (which she doesn't read) so that I look like a fool for the entertainment of the three people in the world who lead lives duller than mine and/or pity me sufficiently to come by occasionally and patronise me.

I secretly think he thought my novel was shit and didn't want to say so. He knew I'd know he'd ducked the question and he thought that I'd think less of him for saying that he thought less of me for writing less well than he thought I'd write.

Paranoid? Me? Get fucked.


I am also sulking with Jen, who 404'd her blog. I hate that. A writer who destroys words? Say it ain't so. She's too busy moving house to read this, so I can badmouth her from the safety of halfway down a dull post. But secretly, I enjoyed her blog. I am genuinely upset that it's gone. I ate the feed. I only eat the feeds of a few blogs and sites, and those only the most lively and engaging. Actually, I'm lying. I did a purely rational thing. If I check the blog each day, I now take the feed. It doesn't matter if they are engaging. They can be dull, for months on end, and I'll still check them.

I have a tipping point though. I put up with fuckwittedry for just so long and then I can the fuckwit. You know who you are.

Yes, I know, PJ 404'd her blog too and so did P. Am I sulking with them? No. PJ is a goddess and sulking just isn't permitted, and if you sulked with P every time she did something pointlessly selfdestructive, such as ditch her blog or email her tits to the entire population of Holland (no, wait, she will), well, you'd spend your whole life in a dudgeon.

Anyway, they both returned. I'll stop sulking with Jen when she is settled in and starts to miss the attention.


Another person who is not reading this is arleen (sorry, can't be bothered with any more links). She's on Lent. It's like the Atkins Diet, but instead of carbs, she's avoiding the interwebnet. Bloody good idea. I should do that but make it forty years instead of forty days.

Problem is, I don't have the willpower. Fags are a lot easier to kick.


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