Zero percenter
You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah
Sometimes I do feel I took the wrong course, made the wrong choices and am stuck on a track leading into the wilderness. But others it seems that it wouldn’t matter which path I took, that the wonders of life are the same wherever you are walking. Sometimes it seems there isn’t a path at all, just a life you lead.
Mrs Zen says I always think the grass is greener. She is right but she doesn’t understand that I have an unquenchable yearning. If I knew what I yearned for, I could quench it as easily as a midday thirst. But what it is, I don’t know.
I am always waiting; it seems as though I am waiting under a hot sun. Sometimes I should just go inside and take a drink of water. Sometimes it feels as though what I need is that simple.
***
I have written one poem in, I think it is, six years. I used to write them all the time. I used to overflow with poetry. I don’t know that it was any good but it still speaks to me if I read it over.
I am telling myself I still have enough poetry but sometimes it is hard to believe I even have the breath for song: I am holding it in, hoping to get through a still, dark night.
But whispering in the wind,
the times that are waiting, holding all possibility
calling to me, saying nothing but
promising everything
promise deliverance, will take me to where I,
not now, but will soon want to be.
Poetry maps the heart but never makes a plan. I should have written nonfiction or drawn a chart.
***
I need not to be hurt any more. But I am the ringleader. I put the boot in while others aren’t looking. I put the boot in until I’m spinning with pain, reeling with spite. I put the boot in because no one showed me how I could be loved and now I don’t know that I can be.
Looking at the stars, you cannot help thinking that it’s strange that they are so big and yet they look like we could pull them down and set them in rings. And I know there is an explanation for it, why they look that way, but that doesn’t chase away the illusion.
posted by Dr Zen @ 12:47 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home