Double trouble
It's hard to know whether to be excited or scared. It's hard to know what to feel. There seems to be risk in feeling when it comes to it, because the disappointments can be so huge.
I am to be the father of twins. Mashallah! The blobs, smears on the ultrasound, will grow to be whole human beings, people, recognisable in their own selfhood (whatever that is - I mean, even if they are two new candles lit by other candles, they will still seem to be separate selfs, won't they?).
They will run and laugh, play, fight, love, perhaps have twins of their own, dwindle and die. It means nothing to the stars, but it means everything to me.
I had been so afraid that one would have died, disappeared, or that one would fail the nuchal test (all here in the UK, where the nuchal translucency is measured as a diagnostic for Down syndrome, know that it is a test, it feels like one, a test that you can pass or fail (and it would feel like failure for your genes to have misfired) and only one, and I'd be left with a decision that would be very difficult.
Now I need only suffer the regular fears of a parent-to-be, but those I can take in my stride. That and working out how I can convince Mrs Zen that Zen Jr really is a great name for a boy is all I need worry about now...
posted by Dr Zen @ 3:08 am
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