Friday, May 15, 2009

My life rendered in bad dialogue

This is annoying.

(mid April)
Me: Hi J1, do you has any work for me?
J1: Oh yah, I has project for you early next month.

(early May)
Me: Hi J1, can I has project you has for me?
J1: ...

(a week later)

Me: Hi J1, hope you don't mind me bothering you, but can I has project you has for me?
J1: Yah, I gave that to J2 to give to you.

Me: Hi J2, can I has project you has for me?
J2: Yah, busy busy, next week, k?

(next week)

Me: Hi J2, can I has project you has for me?
J2: Yah, wait up, me check.


Me: Hi J2, can I has project you has for me?
J2: Big mistake. I never has project for you. Gave it some other kitteh.
Me: WTF.

Me: WTF.
J1: You're first on the list for new project.


This is annoying.

Me: J3, I took a job with you because you promised me regular work, 25 hours a week, and you haven't given me 25 hours a week for three months. You are fucking me, right?
J3: You can do editing, me likey.
J3: You can do some course writing, me likey.
J3: Other writing, me no likey.
J3: And you're not in the office for me to blather about why me no likey. I'm not capable of talking about projects on the phone and the problem with emails is that I have to read what you have to say, so I can't say, stfu, and ignore your point of view, like I do in person.
J3: So I hired other women that come into the office.
J3: So yeah. I'm fucking you.
Me: Is there any good reason you can come up with that I shouldn't consider you a complete cunt?
J3: Me get back to you on that, k?


This is less annoying.

Mrs Zen: I've had enough. Divorce immediately.
Me: That's going to suck for me and the kids.
Mrs Zen: I don't care. I will find new love and an era of fairy magic will ensue.
Me: That's nice, but that's going to suck for me and the kids.

Me: Zenella, Daddy's going away.
Zenella: Mummy, get a brain.

(Mrs Zen gets a brain)

Mrs Zen: I want thousands of dollars to repair this house. Get a jerb.
Me: No u. I hate this house and what do I want to fix it for? Get sister with three houses to pay for it.
Mrs Zen: No u. Divorce immediately.
Me: Fuck my life. Hey, why don't you get a jerb?
Mrs Zen: wat
Me: Women's lib?
Mrs Zen: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You want family, you pay for repairs. I'm off to my hair stylist, kthxbai.


At 11:00 am, Blogger Paula Light said...

Sorry for larfing. Hope things suck less soon.

At 12:02 am, Blogger P. said...

Sorry for larfing.I read that as "sorry for farting". I have no idea why.

At 12:53 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

boots sez:

I've run into a case or two where no matter what I did, it was clear that I'd end up fucked and also blamed for it. Suffice it to say I couldn't see putting a lot of effort into that kind of shit beyond the work it takes to pack a light bag. But that's just me, I get no points from having my ass beaten and don't fancy the pain.

I am pleased to surmise that you are still breathing, keep up the good work.

At 7:07 am, Blogger Grapes 2.0 said...

It's true, the thing about being in the office. I was 20 years not in the office, and about 14 months in the office 2 days a week, and the difference is huge. Fair or not, if you can swing it at all, get into the office from time to time, and you'll walk out with jobs each time you go.

At 3:23 pm, Blogger Looney said...

Well, I'm sorry for you having to deal with J1, 2, & 3, etc...

But I just popped in to offer my condolences on Leeds' loss to [koff-koff] Milwall :-( rather a heartbreaker.


At 11:02 am, Blogger Mcleod said...

People who have the misfortune to physical interact with you soon learn what a cunt you are and end up hating you don't they.

At 11:03 am, Blogger Dr Zen said...

Actually no. Most people who physically interact with me think I'm a nice guy, Gunt, and so would you if I bought you a beer. Don't get all excited though. I will have spat in it.

At 9:23 am, Blogger Mcleod said...

Note where i say "soon learn what a cunt you are"

Initially you may well come across as a nice guy but it never lasts long does it.

At 9:24 am, Blogger Dr Zen said...

After six months you'd be asking me to adopt you, Gunter.


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