On the spot
I am walking up and down on the spot. There's no point to it. The good things go unnoticed; the bad are magnified until they overwhelm any possibility of making life work.I want to dance but I am leaden-footed. I am old. And you don't get younger as the days pass. You don't feel any younger. So it's quite true that you are as young as you feel.
Nothing tastes good because I cannot taste what I want; nothing sounds good because I have no one to share it with; nothing looks good because the days are grey; nothing is good because nothing touches me. I am numb, chilled to the bone, entirely without anything to warm me.
I cannot see the door that leads from here to there. I cannot see a path to anywhere. I am trying, running sometimes, crawling others, but my steps are slowed by the tar of where I am, who I am and what I have.
I need love. I need someone to light a flame. The ones who can fear it will be they who burn; the ones who can't just suck more and more warmth from my days. I know I need to take a deep breath. It's just life, I know it's just the way it is, days when feeling nothing feels worse than feeling bad and feeling good feels further away than the star you no longer feel you can reach for.
posted by Dr Zen @ 5:35 pm
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