Saturday, March 27, 2004


"We asked people who love water what they thought" say Coke, when asked why on earth they called their doomed bottled tap water Dasani.

I thought we all loved water. You sorta have to, don't you? Falling out of love with it is going to have desperate consequences for you.

So who did they mean? "The kind of idiot who will buy tap water at a quid a bottle if we put a flash label on it" is, I suspect, close to the mark.

You know who you are. You spent hundreds of pounds on your gym gear, but you somehow haven't found the time to do much working out (next year, next year). You think Sex and the City was a work of the highest genius and its perpetrators the new Shakespeares, nay, the new Homers too. You think Chaucer is what you put your cup on. You think you are cool but cannot understand why, if you're so hot, you couldn't get laid on a porn set.

You probably do actually believe you can't live without Dasani. (Which, I suppose, is strictly true.)

Although the famous spunk page has now gone, you'll note that if you click on downloads, a ghostly penis swirls around the woman's head. I'm not sure what message that's trying to convey (Drink tap water... you'll only be able to think about cock?) but someone in the Dasani team seems to have a sense of humour.

They'll need it. Everyone involved here in the UK is out of a job since the product was pulled. At least the chemist who didn't realise that the calcination of this, ahem, pure water would create a carcinogen is. Enjoy!


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