Waiting for the axe
I can hardly think.
I mean it. It's a peculiar sensation for a thinking person, and I pride myself that that's my species. I cannot bring myself out of the confines of my life. I cannot stretch out into real life; it seems as though it is no longer touching me at all.
Of course, these are strange times for me. I will never experience anything like it again. I am like a man on the block, waiting for the axe. It won't be long -- at the scan today, Naughtyman scaled 6lb7oz and XX 5lb110z. They are cramped and no one likes that feeling or can stand it for long. One day or night soon, Mrs Zen will feel an almighty gush and then it's all on.
I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how I feel about having them. I cannot think about it. It is just something that is going to happen and I numbly accept it. We have all our baby things, all the paraphernalia -- you could invade Russia with less! -- that shows you care about the soon-to-bes. I have a lot of work on, so I can't relax too much. I am house husband and breadwinner, and still Mrs Zen is far more tired than I am. She's not always good humoured about it. I don't think about how our relationship will stand the dizzy madness of new children. If I could think, I might think about that, but in any case, I know I would conclude that I would come out the other side still the man I am, loyal husband, kind father, but with a few more dozen hours' bastidry under our belts.
I wish I could talk about something else but it chases you around. I seek distraction but when you cannot think you cannot be distracted easily.
posted by Dr Zen @ 4:50 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home