Was I ever happy? I feel as though I must have been but I can't recall the day.
I've been optimistic. I can distinctly remember bright optimism. I'm often positive, although far too many times in a pastures greener on the other side way.
I can do cheerful. Sometimes it's not even a pose.
Is it because I can never forget that I can die? Is it because I can never forget that even the smoothest running engine can be undone by its smallest component's wearing out or going awry? I don't think so. They are not forgettable but they do not nag. Is it because life is joyless from time to time? It cannot be, because I know that I can bring joy, and will be joyful in those times because it's always true - in my life anyway - that joy begets joy.
But I am not sad.